Fate’s Spectrum
by M. Poe
Summary: Set after The Prizoner of Azkaban. Remus Lupin considers the events that lead up to his friends' destruction. Remus/Lily.


_Please allow me to share this quotation from the _Prisoner of Azkaban_, __it belongs to J.K. Rowling completely, and I make no money from sharing it. I simply insert it to give readers a refresher course on events that lead to this vignette. _

"'You don't believe this... wouldn't Sirius have told you they'd changed the plan?'  
'Not if he thought I was the spy, Peter,' said Lupin. 'I assume that's why you didn't tell me, Sirius?' he said casually over Pettigrew's head.  
'Forgive me, Remus,' said Black.  
'Not at all, Padfoot, old friend,' said Lupin…

x.x.x.x

Remus Lupin boarded the Hogwarts Express, perhaps for the last time. The events of the previous week raced through his mind.

A small trunk, containing all his shabby worldly possessions, sat beside him.

The tumults of conflicting emotions poured over Remus's brain like an ocean current in a storm.

And underneath all this was a thought.

"_Padfoot thought I was the spy…why would he think me to be a spy?"_

Remus rested his chin on a scarred hand and stared at the window, not conscious of the scenes passing in front of him.

"_Why would he think me to be a spy? If he hadn't, would any of this had happened?"_

Remus's mind raced back in time, following corridors of memories into a door that he had kept locked.

"_Right, of course." _With a grimace, Remus understood.

x.x.x.x

Remus and Lily sat together in a corner of the Gryffindor common room. She laughed, and to Remus it seemed as if the room exploded with the fire cracker of Lily Evans. Remus loved her color pallette. Her laugh, her breath, the way her mouth curled into a smile reminded him of the richest colors of the spectrum.

She was olive green, sparkling gold, black, orange, and navy. She had one of those vibrant personalities that painted the world with everything that she touched. Remus could only dare to dream of capturing her, like a firefly, and keeping her to light up his room at night to make her colors dance along his walls in soft shadows.

They had been prefects together and shared quiet study hours where neither said a word. They had bundled up in red and golden attire for Quidditch matches. Lily would unravel Remus by pulling on his long, woven scarf. The two would collapse into each other with laughter, forgetting to watch the players on broomsticks that buzzed around the field before them. She brought him chocolate each time his "mother got ill", and he had to head home for a while. She had made the sugary candy even sweeter, and Remus found himself eating the sweet because it reminded him of _her._

"I love you," Remus told her as they sat together in a corner of the Gryffindor common room. She laughed, and to Remus it seemed as her colors melded together in an ugly realization.

As did her face.

"Remus," she had managed to say, her emerald eyes wide in surprise as she realized he was _serious_. She grabbed for his hand, Remus recalled, holding his large paw in her tiny hands. Her mouth opened, once; her tongue struggled to formulate a word. Remus couldn't say anything, only look down at the hole that was beginning to form in his left sneaker. Even his shoes weren't good enough for Lily Evans.

The words, "how long?" eventually forced Remus to look up, this time with a bittersweet smile.

"For years," he admitted, knowing by her tone that he had spoken too late.

She nodded, her colors were drained and Remus wished he hadn't done this to her. Her face was scrunched up, as if holding back tears and, strangely, anger.

"You waited for years to tell me this?" her mouth twitched at the corner, visual irony.

Remus stared, helpless.

"I have waited _years_ for date with Remus Lupin," she said, paired with an unbelieving glare, "and tonight? I'm going on a date with the person I've avoided for years- _James Potter._ _"_

_James Potter._

Remus nodded, silently.

Lily felt as if this were the type of moment that Fate would be present, watching with terrible glee from the ceiling.

Sirius Black coughed and exited the common room from a previously unnoticed position near Remus and Lily.

x.x.x.x

_Edited 10/16/09. Many thanks to Bad Mum for pointing out an error!_


End file.
